Photo by Nima Akoy
For many seniors, having a “senior moment” is about losing things. Some of my friends will admit that a significant part of their day is spent looking for misplaced phones, glasses, or TV remotes. I, however, refuse to confess that I lose things- preferring instead to think about my multiple searches as complex scavenger hunts that just happen to me several times a day. It sounds more fun, less exasperating and time-consuming, and less…senior citizen.
But I went well beyond my scavenger hunt moments the other day. Apparently it was my time in life to once again test out the concept that dignity is overrated. To achieve this revelation I actually accomplished what I will generously refer to as a random gravity check. Of course it was in public. And of course it was in the front aisle of a busy home goods store. (Banana peel slapstick, move over).
I was wandering about the store, checking out all the brightly-colored must-have purchases, and waiting for my friend, who was inching through a long checkout line. She should know better by now than to take me anywhere- and especially leave me unattended too long- but such is the innocent trust of friendship. There was an overstuffed lounge chair by the front door that looked inviting. Since I am considering options for the eventual replacement of my saggy living room sofa, I went over for a closer look.
“Why not test it out?” I thought to myself. Never mind that I didn’t notice that the chair was slightly raised, up on a little roller platform of some kind- perhaps the store had been moving it around. A little warning tape across the seat would have been a nice notice of its out-of-commission status- except the store was certainly not anticipating someone to make an imbecilic move like mine. You’ve heard of proceeding with caution? Me too, I just didn’t do that here.
So I went and plunked down in that beckoning lounge chair, to give it a little “comfort test” for a future possible purchase. However the test did not proceed as it should have. The whole chair just unexpectedly tilted forward when I sat down, and the foot rest helpfully extended out. Unable to stop the momentum, I slowly slid down the chair like on a slide, ending up on the floor on my butt!!! My baffled friend arrived from making her purchase to find me sitting in the middle of the main aisle, with a worried shopper rushing over to help me up. Though unhurt- and definitely undignified- I am proud to report that my long-ago childhood playground skills kicked in. I slid down that lounge chair like a true champion, and landed the slide perfectly. And contrary to the desired body images of popular culture, there are certain times when it is a very good thing to have a well-padded derriere. This was definitely one of those times.
So ends my tale of a shopping trip gone awry. Not only did I drop by the home goods store, I just dropped there as well. After performing my unintentional floor routine, I ended up on the linoleum floor in the main aisle like a shopping queen-gone-tipsy. If my lounge chair slide was captured on store video, I hope it gives someone a laugh, like one of those funniest home videos. After all, grace and dignity are lovely, but laughter is better.
Maybe there is a moral to this tale of my random gravity check. Perhaps it’s that dignity is indeed highly overrated, especially after 65. Or maybe it is just proof of the adage that thankfully God does watch over children, fools, third baseman, sailors, drunks… or clueless seniors.